In a previous post, I told you that I had read this really user-friendly book which made me reflect a great deal on who I am as a person in my relationships. Here’s a quick summary as many people were intrigued and wanted to know more.
Gary Chapman states that every person has their own language in which they love- how they express it and how they understand love from others. When we partake in a relationship, we may get lucky and the other person allows speaks our language. It is more likely that they speak something completely different, and you both are shouting I LOVE YOU but neither of you can understand each other and you become frustrated and upset with one another.
We may have a primary love language that we expect love to be like. When the other person in the other relationship doesn’t reciprocate the same way we may feel unloved, which causes problems in the relationship. Chapman breaks the expression of love into 5 Languages that we identify with so we can better understand how we do it, and how others may too… and you can then better communicate with each other and TA DA magic happens.
The languages are:
Words of Affirmation: this is when giving and receiving compliments makes us feel super good and boosts our mood. When this is our primary love language we thrive off words of encouragement and dish them out too.
Quality Time: this is undivided time with people we love- no phones, no distractions, good listening and interactions, doing nice things together.
Receiving Gifts: this is the practice of making someone feel special with a well thought of gift that they may have hinted at, or just because. This love language really focuses on “the thought that counts”, rather than seeing it as materialism.
Acts of Service: this is when we do things for others such as lending a helping hand, and really appreciating when people go out of their way for us.
Physical Touch: this is the act of touch, and not in a seedy way. Touch can be explicit- like visible acts of cuddles or sex or a massage and it can be implicit acts which take very little time but requires more thought, such as a touch on the shoulder as they walk past, a stroke of the hand.
So it makes sense that your relationship with your partner, or friend or family member may be good if they are speaking your language, even if their language is not the same as yours. Conversely it also shows how relationships fall apart when all you want from your partner is QT and they think they have shown you love because they washed the dishes after dinner, which is what they would consider an expression of love.
Fascinating, right? Why don’t you try the quiz at https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/ . It’s so quick to do and honestly, who doesn’t love a quiz on the internet. They even have a couples quiz that you can do together and compare results.
Let me know what your love language is? Did it surprise you? I found mine really helpful to know as I have adjusted my communication about love and what my needs are around it, and I have never felt more empowered about how I give and receive love.
Have a lovely week!